Rain City

I have finally got out of Vancouver. I seemed to crash land there for longer than I intended, getting rained on, getting shouted at by various street bums and wondering what I was doing in this forlorn part of the world.

I know. Arts! West Coast is famous for its arts. So I went to Granville Island (a man made island under a highway bridge which they seem to have created for the express purpose of housing the artistic community) and saw a couple of Fringe shows. "They Went Another Way" was a pleasant comedy about a couple of struggling actors - a good warm up act though not mind blowing. This was followed by "Jesus: the Lost Years" by Monster Theatre. This filled in the years in Jesus' life between 17 and 30, with high energy physical theatre and Hollywood cliches. All done by two actors, who would switch roles mid scene. It rocked. It's the only fringe show I've ever seen get a standing ovation.

So Fringe was good but I missed "Bard on the Beach" Shakespeare festival because I spent a whole day looking for a mobile phone. A whole day. They are all locked to the networks, and trying to find an "unlocked" one to use with my Telstra SIM was nigh impossible. "Hmm, an unlocked phone. An UNLOCKED phone? I think they have them over at Wally's Wireless World..." But go to Wally's Wireless World and they will direct you somewhere else, who will direct you back to the first place you went to. Others will just refer you to mysterious "third parties" whose identities they are bound my contract not to reveal - I assume these "parties" are just guys on the street with greatcoats who go "Psst, you wanna phone" because no above board phone dealer ever has them.

Which left me again wondering why I was here. I know! Beer! Canada is supposed to have good beer, if you go to the little brewpubs, so I took me to Steamworks Brewery in Gastown, the semi-slummy heritage part of town. I had wheat beer and dark beer and lager and raspberry beer, RAPSBERRY!, and I got well drunk and then ended up spending half the night sobering up under an awning waiting for the rain to die down enough for me to stagger back home.

Again I wonder.

I know! Mountains! The Rockies are just up the road. Why don't I get a car and drive up there? So I got a car. I can drive on the other side of the road, it's all good. Uh... yeah... Wanna take bets how long til I pranged it? Guess the right number of minutes (yes minutes, not hours) and I will buy you a beer. When I can afford one again after this trip. Should be by 2010.

Anyway, this place I'm in is called "Hope" and it is apparently the "Chainsaw Carving Capital". I assume they're talking about WOOD carving, but you know, this is rural America. Fingers crossed. If I don't post again anytime soon, then...

Anyway, keep in touch, people. It's a lonely part of the world up here.

(PS I did eventually get a shitty little phone for $300. But I have still lost everybody's numbers, so don't forget to email yours to me, if you haven't already.)